Understanding
by Mickarius Smith
Summary: Dean has never been in a relationship, he was too busy raising Sam and working, so when he finds he has entered into one without realizing it he reacts badly. Luckily for him Castiel is very understanding and will work to keep what they have.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Supernatural_

**Warning:** Human AU, slash, probable OOC, mistakes are definitely here and mine, apologies in advance, reviews are appreciated, enjoy~

_**Understanding**_

To be honest, Dean had never meant for the romance to go as far as it did. Castiel had been a regular at the bar for months, he wasn't a drunk, he just sat silently in the corner drinking exactly two beers and then leaving.

It was obvious Castiel had been ex-military, and some thought he might have been crazy. Dean was the only one to communicate with him, since he sat in Dean's section. Dean had thought he was suffering from some major PTSD.

He would admit to finding Castiel sinfully attractive, even if he was almost catatonic. The few times he did say anything Dean felt his heart stop because of that _voice_. To say Dean would have happily went to Castiel's bed had he asked was putting it lightly...

Castiel was so quiet though, that Dean figured he only went to the bar to relearn how to be normal. He knew some soldiers had trouble readjusting, and had accepted Castiel was _not_ on the menu. That being said, he had never expected the next twist of events.

XXX

"Come on Dean, dinner with me is better than any other options around." Gordon leered. Dean had made the mistake of sleeping with Gordon a year prior, the man had been possessive and too rough for Dean's liking.

Dean also had it on good authority Gordon was abusive. "No," Dean frowned. He had unluckily enough let it slip he had the next day off. A rarity for Dean, who worked two full time jobs. Now he was having trouble dissuading the man, and he couldn't get violent because he needed his jobs.

"Why not? We had fun last time, and I'm good to you." He was a good tipper too, so Dean needed to reject him lightly. He usually enjoyed telling people to fuck off, but that might push Gordon to violence...

"I can't Gordon," Dean smiled lightly. "I'm busy."

"You have tomorrow off, what could you possibly be busy with?" Gordon quirked an eyebrow.

"I have plans." Dean frowned, a little offended.

"Tomorrow? Really? Doing?"

"I, uh, have a date." _Shit, shit, shit_... Gordon scoffed.

"With?" Dean frowned a little, before his eyes landed on Castiel, who had been watching the entire exchange.

"Castiel," he pointed at the other man lamely. Gordon choked on his beer, Castiel blinked at him, Dean wasn't sure which of the three was the most surprised.

"You have plans with _Novak_?" Gordon looked skeptical. Dean glanced at the man in question, who was staring blankly.

"If we're still on for tomorrow, Castiel?" Dean was pleading with his eyes, not that Gordon could see that.

"Of course," the man answered, Dean shivered at the voice, and grinned simultaneously. Gordon scoffed at this.

"Call me when you're done with the nut," Gordon glowered, stomping away. Relief flooded Dean, and he sighed happily, leaning against Castiel's table.

"Shit, thanks man I owe you one! If there's anything I can do for the save let me know." Dean grinned, standing up straight. Castiel gave him a contemplative look.

"Perhaps a date then? If you aren't actually busy? One should never make a liar of oneself." He answered, giving Dean a serene smile. Dean's heart fluttered, and he felt like a chick for a moment.

"Sure, that would be great." He stopped himself from grinning too much. "Do you want to meet tomorrow? Or tonight...?"

"Tomorrow would be preferable. Dinner?"

"Dinner would be great," Dean grabbed a napkin and scribbled his number on it. He felt like a girl again... "Call me tomorrow, I have the day off anytime is fine."

"I will," Castiel smiled, sipping his drink.

"Awesome..." He stood there for a minute, smiling, "Uh, right, back to work then. Thanks again."

"It was my pleasure, Dean." Castiel nodded, finishing his drink and standing. "Until tomorrow."

"Yeah," he breathed. "Bye..." he watched Castiel leave. Jo walked over a moment later.

"For all kinds of crazy that man is _fine_," she smirked appreciatively.

"And guess who is going to dinner with him tomorrow?" Dean grinned.

"Figures he bats for the other team," she pouted. "Oh well, they can't all be equal opportunity can they?"

"I'm a rarity, I know," he winked, before finally returning to work.

XXX

Castiel had been charming, sweet, and great in bed. Dean had even agreed to a second date, which he never did. Then there was a third date. Then a fourth. Soon Dean was telling Cas about his childhood, and how his mother died when he was four.

He told him about basically raising Sammy while his father hunted down arsonists or got drunk, and then really raising Sam when his dad died at sixteen. He told him about getting a GED and working so Sam wouldn't have to.

Then sending Sam for two years of community college until he got that scholarship to Stanford, and now sending him money once a month to support him while he went to school. He talked about his father's crazed marine training, and having to learn it.

He listened too, learning that Castiel had been in the military- a Ranger of all things. He had a lot of half-siblings scattered around the world too. His family was independently wealthy, and he had inherited a lot of money from his mother passing.

He was terrible with communicating in a non-military setting and he was working at a community college as a theology professor. He was easily as smart as Sammy and would probably beat Dean in a fight, not many people boasted that.

What caught Dean off guard was that Cas wanted him even with the knowledge that Dean was messed up. Soon months had passed, and Dean realized he was in trouble one morning when he was leaving for his job at Bobby's Yard.

He had to stop himself from telling Cas he loved him. He had almost said _those_ words without a thought. He had only ever told Sam he loved him, and that had been when they were kids. So dean did the mature, adult thing and ended things the next day.

He kept things light and told Cas he couldn't handle a relationship on top of two jobs to support Sam, he didn't have enough time. It had helped that he refused to let Cas get a word in edgewise and left promptly after that.

He had even switched sections with Jo and not taken over the bar even though it got better tips that night. That proved pointless since Cas hadn't come in that night, or the following two. Dean figured he might stop coming.

He ignored the feeling of being kicked in the heart, he had chosen this. He didn't have time for love until Sam was a successful lawyer. Or after that possibly, Dean wasn't a picket fence kind of guy, his longest relationship (before Cas) had been one month in his freshman year of high school.

That had also been his first relationship. It ended because he moved and Dean's fourteen-year-old mind had taken it as the end of the world, he neglected Sam for a week and then realized if relationships were going to make him ignore his family he couldn't have them.

Now he worked as a mechanic and a waiter/bartender which were both full time, he really had no free time. He was surprised his relationship with Cas had been as good as it had been... He walked into the bar the fourth day after breaking up with Cas and took his section back.

Cas didn't show up. Dean pretended that didn't bother him.

XXX

Dean forced himself awake at eight, he worked at Bobby's from nine a.m. to five p.m. and then Ellen's from seven p.m. to three a.m. He usually lived off of three or four hours of sleep. He was grateful for living a block away from both of his jobs.

He worked for minimum wage at both, and he worked five days a week. His days off almost never overlapped however, so he usually worked seven days a week. He usually didn't mind it though, he liked working.

He was walking into Bobby's scrap yard when his cell went off. His heart hammered as he pulled it out of his pocket, Cas and Sam were usually the only people who called him. He settled down when _Sammy_ appeared on the screen.

"Hey bitch, it sunny up there in California?"

_"Dude, it's winter." _Sam laughed. Dean frowned, Sam was calling right before winter break. He was probably calling to cancel again. He had not come home last year in favor of meeting Jess's family...

"Which means winter break," he sang, "Staying up there again?" he asked lightly, pretending it didn't bother him to be alone for the holidays. Sam always came home for summer at least...

_"No actually, not this time, I called because I should be there in a few days."_

"For real?" Dean was grinning, he gave Bobby a wave as he went to grab his tools and start fixing a client's car. "Awesome, but what about your _girlfriend_," he teased.

_"She's going to visit her parents,"_ Sam laughed. _"She really wants to meet you though, you should consider flying back with me to visit. Don't you want to see what you're helping to pay for?"_

"Hell no, flying sucks. Maybe i'll drive out there next year or something." Dean popped the hood of the car. "Are you sure you'll survive away from her?" he mocked, grinning.

_"Maybe you're right... maybe i'll stay."_ Sam teased. _"We have a healthy relationship that can handle a few weeks apart, maybe you should try it sometime... you're going to introduce me to your boyfriend right?"_

"I don't have a boyfriend..."

_"So the guy you've been seeing for what... four maybe five months now is not your boyfriend? Does he know that?"_

"Dude," Dean scoffed. "Nah, we broke up a few days ago."

_"What? Why? Are you alright? I know he was your first relationship..."_

"Don't use that word, dude, not okay. And I'm fine." He heard Sam give a small goran.

_"What did you do?"_

"What do you mean?"

_"You broke up with him because you freaked out when you realized you were actually dating someone, damn it Dean."_

"It wasn't like that, we were just having fun. Jesus. It wasn't a big deal..."

_"You really liked him didn't you..."_ He heard Sam muttering to himself. _"I'll be there the day after tomorrow," _ he heard something fall. _"You have a shift at Ellen's that night?"_

"I'll swap shifts with someone and come pick you up-"

_"I'll take a cab Dean, it's fine. I'll stop by the bar first, you'll be working at eight right?"_

"Always, alright Bobby's giving me the evil eye, I better focus on work."

_"Alright, see you soon."_ He grinned to himself a while longer. Sammy was coming home!

XXX

Jo wanted to hit him. Dean could tell. "Dean stop bouncing, we understand Sam is coming back, that's exciting, but cool it." It was seven thirty, he had been working for half an hour, barely containing himself.

"But Sammy's coming home," he grinned.

"And you have customer's in your section," Jo pointed. Dean pouted as he turned, then almost dropped his pen when he saw Castiel in his normal seat. He wasn't alone. There was some handsome, nicely dressed man there as well...

He ignored the jealousy welling up, he had made this happen. A week though? Damn Cas moved fast... and he moved up too. He walked to Cas's... Castiel's table. "Hey, what can I get you? Usual for you Cas?"

No need not to be friendly... the man looked at him with a friendly smile. "You didn't tell me there were attractive people here, Cassy." He was _fucking British_.

"Balthazar," Cas grumbled. He sounded a little... put off by the man. "This is Dean." Balthazar? Wasn't that Castiel's brother from England? He owned a bunch of popular art galleries or something. Dean felt himself relax.

"_You're_ Dean?" The man grinned. He stared a moment.

"I guess... uh, you're his... brother?"

"Half, our dad played the field a bit." He continued to grin.

"Right, what can I get for you?" Dean maintained a friendly smile. He also avoided looking directly at Castiel.

"The usual for me," Cas mumbled, staring intently at Dean.

"I'll have a gin and tonic and a chicken salad, you have those right?"

"Yeah, no problem..." he glanced toward the door. No Sam yet."I'll be back in soon."

"Promise?" Balthazar sang as Dean walked off.

_"Balt!"_ Cas hissed. Balthazar shrugged.

"He's so into you," Balthazar chuckled, "did you see the badly masked jealousy until he found out I wasn't your new lover?"

"I did, most people in this town believe I am socially inept, I have just opted to observe instead. I believe Dean is worried about how close our relationship had been growing."

"Americans..." Balthazar sighed.

Dean waited for Ellen to finish putting together the salad and unsuccessfully tried to get Jo to deliver the food. He was back at their table a few minutes later, Cas gave him the money. "Dean!" He heard, a grin split his face as he turned.

"Sammy!" He called, walking over to hug him. "How was the flight?"

"Fine, barely any turbulence, you probably could have even handled it." Sam smiled.

"Awesome, Ellen is letting me off at eleven, so stick around for three hours or i'll meet you at home."

"I'll wait, I took a taxi, I don't want to waste more of your money," Sam laughed.

"See that you don't," Dean teased. "Park yourself somewhere i'll bring you some rabbit food while you wait. Drink?"

"I'll take a beer, haven't had one in a while."

"That's my boy, knew I raised you right," he nudged Sam playfully. He realized the he was still holding Castiel's beer. "I should probably give Cas his beer now..."

"Cas? I thought-" he stopped talking at Dean's look. He pulled Bitch Face #13 _Stop making an ass of yourself Dean_. Dean jogged back to their table.

"Sorry about that, my brother," he nodded towards Sam. "Is back in town."

"That's nice, you were just saying you missed him." Cas smiled pleasantly. Dean stopped himself from melting at the smile.

"Is he going to be waiting for you to get off of work?" Balthazar frowned.

"Uh yeah he wants to-"

"Oy! Gigantor!" Balthazar called across the bar. Sam looked to see him waving. He walked over hesitantly. "Come sit with us, it would be a bore to be alone." Sam frowned a minute, looking between them.

"Yes, I have been wanting to meet you, I am Castiel a... friend of your brother's."

"_You're_ Cas?" Sam asked, he caught Dean's glare, but smiled. "Sure i'll sit if it isn't too much trouble."

"A handsome bloke like you? No trouble at all." Balthazar gave a charming smile. Dean gave a murderous glare only Sam caught before smiling and going to get Sam's food. As soon as Dean was out of hearing distance Sam turned to Cas.

"Please tell me Dean didn't screw things up with you irreparably?" Castiel blinked at Sam in surprise, and Balthazar gave a triumphant cry.

"We have a man on the inside brother dear, we'll have your boy back yet." Balthazar smiled. "So you think Dean does like Cassy then?"

"Completely," Sam nodded. "All he could talk about for the last few months was 'Cas this' and 'Cas that,' I don't think he realized it though."

"What is his deal? Aren't people normally happy to be in love?"

"Most people aren't Dean. He thinks he isn't allowed to be happy until I am rich and successful," Sam grimaced a little. "He's a little strange, I guess."

"It's understandable with the pressures your father put on him." Castiel answered, taking a sip of his drink. Sam stared at Cas dumbstruck for a minute.

"He... told you... about our dad?"

"Is that a bad thing?" Cas frowned.

"He won't talk to _me_ about our dad and I know everything there is to about him." Sam shook his head, shocked and a little jealous if he was being honest, Dean could talk about Dad with someone who wasn't Sam?

"So there is hope yet." Balthazar grinned.

"Why are you so set on helping Dean pull his head out of his ass?" Sam frowned.

"Because Cassy had never actively tried to win someone back, let alone ask for my help with it."

"I called you for advice, I did not ask for you to fly here."

"Relax, I was in America anyway looking at some promising artists work."

"Artists?" Sam frowned.

"I own a few art galleries and I like to jump around and discover artists, it's quite fun..." he frowned as Sam's smile grew.

"Have you ever been to my brother's place Cas?"

"I have," damn Dean must have really liked him.

"And he didn't show you the third door on the left?"

"He said he kept keepsakes in that room. I was under the impression he kept something that would cause embarrassment there."

"He keeps the keepsakes in the closet of that room, he uses it as an art studio actually. Did you know he paints?" Sam smirked. "I just found an excuse for you two to come over.

"I quite like him," Balthazar smiled. "He reminds me a bit of Gabriel."

XXX

Balthazar, Sam, and Castiel stood in Dean's make shift art studio. Canvases lined the wall, paint covered everything. Each wall was painted to copy a scene. Most of the pictures depicted terrifying scenes, monsters attacking, haunted scenes.

Some were of people with black eyes. The three started looking through the stacks. All of them were beautiful, even if some wrought terror. "I like impressionism," Balthazar said, serious for what seemed like the first time. "Your brother is quite good. Has he ever considered selling any of these?"

"He doesn't like showing people, he thinks he's bad at painting but he liked it."

"Is this the scene where Lucifer is cast out of Heaven?" Castiel frowned at the picture. It was a little... heartbreaking to look at.

"God these are powerful," Balthazar grinned. "I could make your brother a rich man." He looked to see Sam had paused, looking at something. Balthazar followed his gaze. Castiel realized Balthazar stopped talking and looked up worriedly.

He followed their line of vision and paused. On the easel was a newly painted picture, strikingly clear compared to Dean's other pictures. It depicted an angel in flight, in a dark, miserable place, he had a man in his arms, Balthazar guessed he was flying the man out of hell.

"I could be wrong..." Balthazar inspected the painting more closely, "but I think you're the angel in this painting." Sam has been noting the similarities too.

"Sammy?" They heard from the front entrance. Some shuffling was heard.

"I'm in your art room."

"If you mess with my paintings again I will skin you!"

"I was _twelve_ Dean," Sam called back, exasperated.

"That vampire picture had been awesome," was replied, it sounded like Dean was approaching. "Some of them are wet so don't..." Dean trailed off as he saw Balthazar and Castiel in his personal room.

"Did you know Balthazar owns art galleries?" Sam asked. "I thought he might like some of these, to clear up space."

"Very funny," Dean looked a little strained. "When your done with your laugh i'll have some drinks in the kitchen." He almost stomped off. Sam was suddenly glad their dad had taught them to be courteous to guests and wait until they left to kill people.

"I will... check on him." Castiel said, slipping out of the room.

_What was Sam thinking?_ Dean growled to himself, Sam may like Dean's paintings but he couldn't just _show them_ to people! Cas might have seen _that_ painting... To be honest, Dean had not realized he was painting Cas until he had finished.

Then again, Castiel had been beautiful to have around. He opened the fridge, pulling out some beers. "You have beautiful paintings Dean." He paused, but kept his gaze away from Castiel as he placed the drinks on the counter and popped the tops off.

"Thanks," Dean answered. "It uh... it's kind of embarrassing. I paint some weird shit." he took a swig of his drink, eying the hall.

"Will you look at me?" Castiel asked softly, "Please?" Dean's eyes snapped to him. He looked sad, Dean frowned, looking into his beautiful eyes. Dean still hadn't found a blue to match those orbs. Castiel gave a gentle smile as their eyes met.

"Why are you here?" Dean breathed. Cas was making this harder than it had to be by coming.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"No... I mean, Sammy invited you." Dean dropped his gaze to the counter. _Damn it._ He forced his eyes back up. Castiel approached him, invading his personal space, which Dean had grown to like.

"Do you really wish for our relationship to end, Dean?" Cas leaned in a little, cupping Dean's chin. "Do you not believe you deserve this? You should be allowed to be happy too." Dean relaxed a little, holding Cas's hands.

_God I want you Cas, but Sammy needs me, you would grow to resent me if I kept going like I do. Everyone leaves me in the end, Cas, for one reason or another. I've never been so involved with another person. How could I ever deserve _you_? What if you get tired of me?_

Thoughts flash across Dean's mind, but he doesn't get the chance to speak before they hear Sam and Balthazar approach. Dean steps back, looking away again. Sam enters the room and can tell immediately something was going on.

Balthazar just wants Dean's paintings.

XXX

Things started to get a bit weird after what Dean dubbed the Awkward Kitchen Incident. He took Sam out to dinner, and there were Balthazar and Castiel already at the restaurant. They went to see a movie, and there were Cas and Balth already in the same theater.

He took Sam to the library for some research Sam needed and there were Castiel and Balthazar looking for a book. To be fair, Dean already knew Cas went to the library lot. Then they were at the park, and they kept going to the bar, and then Balthazar had car troubles and took it Bobby's.

It was almost impossible to avoid them. Dean sighed, and wondered if these really were coincidences. He grabbed his keys, he needed some groceries and Sam was in the shower. Time to test it out, Sam better not be scheming again.

He closed the door and walked off. Sam smiled as he turned off the shower and reached for his phone, he sent a quick text. _Dean left, probably grocery store, out of pie._

Dean walked into the grocery store, shivering a little from the cold. He paused as he saw Castiel with a basket. He had a few items on his arm as well. He must have already been there... he mentally weighed his chances of escaping unseen when Castiel looked over.

"Hello Dean."

"Hey Cas," Dean struggled to smile. "We've been running into each other a lot lately."

"So you were not trying to catch my attention?"

"Sorry?" Dean frowned.

"You repeatedly arrived at places where I was, I was wondering if you were not trying to speak to me."

"Wouldn't I just... I don't know _call_ if I wanted to talk?" Dean frowned a little. "It really wasn't some weird scheme then?"

"I was unaware I seemed the scheming type..."

"You don't," Dean sighed. "Maybe it really was a coincidence. This town is pretty small."

"You seem to be taking more time off of work."

"Ellen and Bobby want me to slow down a bit for the holidays." Dean nodded. "They think I work to much, been harder to get overtime with them dating now." he chuckled.

"I hear it is not such a cause for alarm, Sam recently informed me he has a paid internship. I was quite surprised, that requires a lot of tenacity for a college student."

"That's because he's a smart kid," Dean grinned. "Brat's even thinking of proposing to his girlfriend now that he has a job i'll let him keep."

"Balthazar also has been asking me to ask if you would consider selling some of your work. He has a gallery in California where he could give you a premiere. I asked him to wait to ask but he has been becoming bothersome."

"He really likes them huh? He actually showed up at Bobby's to bug me about it the other day. I mean they're okay paintings but he's making a big deal about it."

"You should consider it, you have nothing to lose from it. You would also have an excuse to visit Sam. You said you wanted to visit California." Cas smiled. Dean smiled back, considering the idea. He paused after a minute, he had forgotten how easy it was to talk to Cas...

"Yeah, uh, I should shop." Dean smiled.

"Dean?" Cas asked, staring at him intently.

"Yeah?"

"Would it be acceptable if I waited for you to complete your shopping, so I could speak with you?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side the way Dean loved. He bit his lip, did he want to talk to Cas? No, definitely not, but he wasn't a coward.

"Sure, if you want." He smiled, before going to find his things. If he took a lot longer than he normally did, he would never admit it. He walked out the front, looking around for Cas. A few minutes later he figured he had left.

He sighed a little, slightly disappointed and slightly relieved. He moved to go to his car when he saw Castiel leaning against the wall in front of his car. He looked peaceful as he stared at the sky. Dean watched him, wishing he could capture the moment.

"You painted me as an angel," Castiel said, not looking at Dean. It still was strange to Dean how Cas could just _tell_ people were there. "Was it because of my name I wonder?"

"Nah, i've always considered you to be an angel, you're such a _sweet_ guy." Dean teased. He never did serious well. Castiel finally looked at him. He contemplated him again, Castiel always seemed to be contemplating something.

"I am in love with you Dean," Castiel said, standing up straight. "You already knew that though, and everyone knows you have feelings for me, so what is holding you back? Do you truly wish not to be with me?"

Dean was a little stunned by the casual statement. Leave it to Cas to confess like he was commenting on the fucking weather. "I don't do relationships. No time."

"You do not require to work as much, Sam has a job and is an adult fully capable of looking after himself. Even if that were an issue it never bothered me that you were busy. Sam has told me of his frustrations caused by you always putting him first."

"Sammy did?"

"We have become friends of sorts," Cas answered. "I need an answer Dean, do you want this relationship or not? I have always been a patient person, but I will not wait for nothing. Can you try to be with me?"

"I've never been in a relationship."

"You were in one with me."

"I didn't realize it until two weeks ago."

"I know, that is why I am asking you to be in a relationship this time. I believe less surprises will frighten you less."

"I-I'm not _scared_," Dean huffed indignantly.

"Then prove it." Castiel challenged, a small smirk finding his lips. Dean stared at him for a while.

"Alright." He sighed. Castiel's expression softened a little.

"Alright?"

"I can try," Dean swallowed, no panicking. Castiel put up with his shit this much right? "I'm not saying I won't freak out again, or that i'll work less, hell I might even still flirt with people, but... I mean... I do..." He couldn't say it, he never even said it to Sammy. "I... I..."

"I know, Dean."

"Yeah?"

"Me too." Castiel smirked, hauling Dean to him to capture his lips. Why had Dean tried to leave a man who could kiss like that?

XXX

Things became easier after that. Not perfect like some romance novel trash, but easier. Balthazar put together an art show for Dean, the paintings sold out. Dean made _bank_. Sam was going to move permanently to California, probably to find an apartment with Jess.

Dean was going to let him without freaking out too much. He could have quit both his jobs and he did start actively painting, he even got Cas to agree to pose nude for him, although not much painting came from that particular fiasco.

He still worked at Bobby's though, the man was like a father to him and he liked cars. Bobby and Ellen ended up getting married, and Bobby sold his house and Yard to Dean, the two were retiring. Jo took over Ellen's bar.

Cas and Dean moved into the stupidly big house Bobby had, after a bit of redecorating. They fought a lot, but the make up sex was worth it. Dean got himself banished to the guest room a lot too, but Cas always forgave him for being an ass.

Castiel got in trouble sometimes too, Dean had never tried to banish him to the guest room, so when he was mad he slept there himself. Admittedly, Castiel was in trouble a lot less than Dean, but Dean was improving.

After living with each other for a few months Dean had said 'I love you' while going to show some of his paintings to prospective buyers. He had had a bit of a panic attack. Castiel asked him to marry him, Dean said he would think about it- but that obviously meant yes.

Dean also never found out running into Castiel was because Sam and Balthazar had schemed. Castiel figured it was better he didn't know.


End file.
